An Antidote to FOMO
Dealing (in a healthy way) with uncertainty in parenting is important, right?
When we do, good things happen:
We can more readily accept who our children truly are (and allow them to change and grow more freely)
We get mentally flexible and come up with compassionate and out-of-the box ways of dealing with difficult situations
Our FOMO/ comparison brains chill out a bit (Instead of being certain that everyone else is having a better/ easier time than us, we realize that we can't possibly know)
Life is filled with more ease, presence, and possibility
So what’s stopping us from buckling down and just getting good with the uncertainty in life?
Maybe it’s that the human mind really, really hates uncertainty (Wow and Ouch).
Or that accepting "I don't know" as an actual response to the mysteries of life/ raising a kid is really f*cking unsatisfying.
For me, I know I used to get hung up on the belief that I actually SHOULD know what was going to happen; and that if I didn't, I should go ahead and diligently prepare for the worst. This would somehow release me and my loved ones from any suffering ever.
It wasn’t until something really crappy happened EVEN THOUGH I had spent lots of time being afraid of said crappy thing, that I made a conscious choice to try to find a way to be okay (and maybe even happy) whether I knew what was going to happen or not.
Here's some wisdom on this matter from Oren Jay Sofer, meditation and communication teacher:
From the perspective of the heart, the real issue is not the uncertainty itself; it’s our relationship to it. And for me, the most liberating question is not “how do I regain control” because we never really had control in the first place. The liberating question is, “How am I relating to this?” Working with change in this way helps us to trust in the present moment. There is no place else we can live, nowhere to run to, no better, happier, or safer place somewhere “over there.” It’s when we can breathe and ease into the reality of this moment that we find true inner freedom. It’s a freedom that comes not from controlling life, but from a flexible inner strength that can meet the hard stuff with a steady eye, that can be with whatever happens. This freedom is not just for ourselves. When we’re able to find inner stability and balance in times of great change, we’re more available for others.
And now I’m on a mission to help you examine your relationship to uncertainty so that you can really, truly be there for yourself and your people.
So here’s a possible first step:
Find community, company, and compassion from those who get it. And some tried and true tools and mindset shifts to bring you there. For those of you local(ish) to SOMA, check out my Mindful Parenting Class - an in-person group that is CERTAINLY supportive and sustaining.
