and now for something REALLY different…
As I think about reconnecting with you all and reporting on some of the recent happenings, I find myself feeling sort of self-conscious.
Two of the happenings that most stand out feel "out of character" for me.
The first is possibly embarrassing, but here goes...
We installed a basketball hoop in our driveway and created sort of a 3-point line (that's actually a bit farther out). Day after day, week after week, month after month, I'd been unable to shoot even close to the basket from the 3-point line. I know... to anyone who is somewhat athletically inclined or has any arm strength at all, this is pathetic. But fine - I accepted where I was - I couldn't make the basket.
Here's what's different: I wanted to. And I allowed myself to want to. I even solicited and listened to advice from my son and husband. This is really wild for me. As you might recall from a previous email, I am notoriously uncoachable and feel very ashamed and vulnerable when someone gives me advice.
I pushed through this reflex. I was told to engage my core multiple times, and I didn't roll my eyes. I engaged my core. Miraculously, the advice was sound and, the other night, I made the shot!! It was a pure swish right from that 3-point line, and it felt almost effortless. Was that really me?! My son was there and confirmed it was. We hugged, both of us stunned and thrilled.
The second major happening is that I became certified in Reiki level 1 and 2. This is part of a longer story that I'll have to save for a future email. In a nutshell, I hadn't realized it, but I've been struggling with faith for years. I'd labeled myself an atheist, simply because it seemed consistent with who I was and how I was raised. But that's not really true and probably never was. Two cancer diagnoses within three years had me asking a lot of big questions and looking for what aspects of healing (and myself) I might have been missing. Enter reiki (and a whole bunch of other things...again, for a future email).
I was lucky enough to get trained by the incomparable Kristie Goldstein who has helped me in SO many ways. In the training she encouraged me to be open, intuitive, and creative. Again, my thinking brain said, "Is that really me?" and my soul said, "Yes. It actually is. You've just been really scared."
People who have seen me change over these past couple years may not be so shocked by the reiki. Maybe we all get a little woo in our 40s? And yet I still felt the need to caveat it at the beginning of this email as "out of character." As if my high school English teacher is watching me and saying, "Sarah Schwartz? Got her reiki attunement?" (whatever, Mr. Hoffner!).
But what is being "in character" anyway? And why is it desirable if it keeps us stuck? Sometimes your character is a lighthouse and sometimes it's a cage. We need to know when it's doing what.
So here are my questions for you:
What was the biggest out of the box thing that you've ever done? What did it take to do it? What did it bring you? What had you saying, "Was that really me?"
