Are you sure?

My oldest has just started middle school. When I share this with other adults, I get a knowing, pitying look that matches my own internal stance. We all seem to have a collective memory of awkwardness, isolation, and a general ickiness associated with this time in our lives.

Part of me finds comfort in this shared experience. Part of me finds comfort in knowing that there is no pressure for this time to be "the best years of his life!" There's a freedom I feel in the lack of expectations.

But does this knowing, pitying look the adults around him exchange feel like freedom to my son? The one whose life is being lived, whose life we are discussing, whose middle school years have yet to occur?

I have been told by him: "No." And this makes sense.

This reminds me of Thich Nhat Hanh's phrase: "Are you sure?" He wrote:

“We should not trust our perceptions too much – that is something the Buddha taught. "Are you sure of your perceptions?" he asked us. I urge you to write this phrase down on a card and put it up on the wall of your room: "Are you sure of your perceptions?" There is a river of perceptions in you. You should sit down on the bank of this river and contemplate your perceptions.”

I don't know how my son will experience middle school. I will place my perception that it will be hard, painful, awkward into the river and watch it from the bank.

There is so much I don't know. So many ideas and stories and memories and judgments I could place in that river. So many more people, my son and myself included, who could be set free if I do.

So, what perception would you like to place in the river? Where you can observe it, contemplate it? What and who will you set free by doing so?