can we control our kids?

If you know me (and I feel like all of you do by now), you know that my answer to this is question, of course, is NO.

But it's not as simple as that. We need so many things in place to have that "no" feel open and authentic rather than resigned and restful.

When I was nine, I read Little Women for the first time. It had been my mother's favorite book when she was that age. When I was done, she asked, "Did you love it?" and I said, casually, honestly, "Not really. The only good character is Amy."

Wrong answer! My mom burst into tears. She was so upset that I didn't share her love of this book. At the time I was devasted and confused. I felt like there was something wrong with me (you're supposed to like Jo best) or maybe her (why was she so emotional about this?) or maybe who I was as a daughter (should I have tried harder to like it? or lied?).

Now I can see that she had so many hopes (beautiful ones) about us sharing a joy, a sensibility, an experience. And that it was just too hard for her in that moment to feel okay with my being different.

(Aside: To this day I stand by my assessment! Amy is by far the most relatable character).

I have not been without my own Little Women moments in parenting. There are things I want them to see, to know, to get.

When I feel my grip getting too tight on that - on using that currency with them to feed our connection - here is what I try to come back to:

• Mindfulness...to notice when my kids are showing me who they are and what they need, without my own fears and stories clouding my experience of what's really happening.

• Awareness...of what their words or actions bring up for me - physically, emotionally, cognitively.

• Compassion...for myself, because some of the shit it brings up isn't pretty.

• Acceptance...for who they are, who I am, for the truths of this complicated relationship.

Do you have your own Little Women story? How do you remind yourself of your kids' sovereignty?

And bonus points if you tell me who your fave is in Little Women. All answers accepted - even Jo.