Lic(f)e happens…

Last week the heads in my home were graced with lice. Exhausting and unpleasant as it was, it did remind me of a tenant that I like to hold close to my heart:

It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

When I discovered the lice, my thoughts were filled with blame:

How could you have missed this?

You are disgusting.

And the house is a mess too!

The professional lice-removers who came to help us (shout out Lice Happens!) could not have been a more stabilizing force. To them, the lice was no big deal. No one's fault, just an annoying thing that happens all the time, something that can be fixed. They even left instructions for me to continue checking my kids with the phrase No Shame, No Blame written at the top. PHEW.

But sometimes (say, when we privately lose it on our kids or go through a health crisis or a relationship ends) we don't have random, kind strangers coming over to tell us, "It's okay, it happens. I'll help you fix this" and then standing in your kitchen for hours on end, patiently fixing what feels permanently shattered. We have to be the ones to stop shaming ourselves, to discern what needs healing, to do the long, unglamorous work of repairing what's been broken.

It's really, really hard. And for some of those bigger things, I need waaaayyy mooooore time.

For now, I'll keep up with the lice checks and comb outs. In this small way, I can show my kids that I'm a person who works towards repair, one day at a time, one strand of hair at a time.

If you are anything like me, I bet there is a whole bunch of sh*t that's happened in your life that isn't your fault, but is also your responsibility. For now, just know that you aren't alone, you don't need to let shame drain your energy for healing, and that life (and lice) happens!