in the season of MORE…subtract, subtract, subtract!

Did you know that it's really hard to be a parent? Like Surgeon General's Advisory hard? This is old news (both the advisory and certainly the truth of it) but now feels like an important time to remind you all: it's not you, it's them. The culture.

I was recently listening to a podcast on the advisory and the hosts had an interesting take on how we can look at - and opt out of - one of the cultural forces that causes parental (and personal) stress:

Stress overwhelm is really about the too muchness. Too much pressure, too many things on our schedule, too many worries about what's going on in terms of our child's future or their mental health. It's just too much, too much stuff all the time. Research shows that...when we encounter a problem in life, whether it's a design problem or an emotional problem, our brains are designed to add. Like, when we are in a solution space...we tend to ask, what can we add to the mix that would help this situation? So if our closet is too much, we go to the container store and we buy containers. Or if, something is, troubling us with our kid's mental health, we're like, okay, what expert can we add to their schedule that can support them? It's not our default setting to consider subtraction. In fact, we typically overlook subtractive options as one possible way to resolve something that is troubling us. And so by becoming more deliberate about it, there's so many different ways that we can subtract. We can subtract time that we spend on our social media, for example. We can subtract activities from our calendar. We can decide to subtract people from our lives that are toxic.

Even though I strongly believe it is not on the individual to make the changes that will truly make the lives of parents and people less stressful, I want to step into the power we do have and lighten our stress loads along the way.

By doing less, we strengthen that pathway for ourselves and make it more possible and normal for others to do the same. So, inspired by the season of "more," here's your subtract, subtract, subtract assignment:

1) Subtract something physical (object or task):​
​* Don't buy a book you probably won't read and will just make you feel guilty as it sits there unread
* Don't cook, bake, make, or put together something you usually do
* Sign up for one less activity for your kid/ self

2) Subtract a cultural "norm" that no longer serves you:
* Don't write thank you notes (text instead or just drop it altogether)
* Don't send a holiday card
* Feed your kids whatever food they like/ will eat before a holiday event at which you usually struggle to make them "try" and "eat" the food

What will you be subtracting this week?