Knowing less is more fun
As many of us gear up for the start of school, I figured I'd throw out one of my favorite parenting strategies and see how it lands with you. This "strategy" is a little more exploration, a little less action (a little less conversation too!), but I promise it can yield some interesting results.
It's been called many things by many people: the delighted anthropologist, fresh eyes, beginner's mind...but I like to call it the "you know nothing" strategy. Essentially, you pretend to know nothing about your child and the world that they inhabit. Just for 10 minutes or so. Observe them as you would a foreign lifeform that landed in your living room and was unaware of your presence.
Examples of things to remind yourself that you DON'T know during this exercise:
*Who your child "is"
*What you see as their strengths and their deficits
*What you should be doing, planning, fixing while they are occupied (you're just enjoying doing & knowing, nothing for now, remember!)
*What is going to "work" or go badly for them in their play (within the bounds of safety)
*What is a useful or appropriate way for your kid to spend their time
Some tips:
*Choose a “needs nothing” moment - nowhere to go, no apparent conflict going on
*Stick with the intention to be curious
*Consider the idea that your child is a universe you have never been to before. No matter how well you know your child, we can never know what it’s like to actually BE another human. Pretty weird and cool, huh?
So how is this even a parenting "strategy" you ask? Well, I would argue that doing NOTHING is really SOMETHING! First of all, it can be a relief to step out of the driver's seat. And relief is something we really need right now. The point here is to see what arises (what thoughts, feelings, sensations, knowings, observations) within you. Stepping out of our usual mode of being with our kids allows some space to see them and ourselves in newer, truer ways. From there, we can better address conflicts and maybe even avoid unnecessary ones.
