in praise of NO

My kids started school on Thursday. That was yesterday. Already I feel time speeding along, commitments piling up. I feel this magnetic pull towards doing a lot at breakneck speed. As if that is the right way or only way to be...

Spoiler alert: I don't like it. And I can't actually do it.

So with this pull towards busyness (that I know I don't want) comes a scary but powerful opportunity: the opportunity to say no. To say no to do doing some of "the suff."

This is really, really hard.

I pulled this quote from an episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky's podcast, in which she interviewed Nedra Glover Tawaab, and they discussed why it's so hard for many of us to say no.

I do think so many of our struggles to say no, came from the lessons we learned early on that the best chance to be valued by people and get along with people and to have people want to be around us, was by paying attention to what people want of us and then aligning ourselves accordingly. The ‘no’ is really representative of: I know what I want for myself and I think I’m worthy of in this moment and making that of greater value than what you want of me.

Gulp. Does this resonate for you? Do you pay close attention to what others want? Do you know what you want for yourself much of the time? Or does it all feel a bit murky?

I'll leave you with some questions to consider, to hopefully bring you closer to tuning in to yourself and what you actually want (or don't want):

1) In what area of my life or particular situation is resentment built up or building?
2) What need of yours is not being met in that area?
3) How does it feel to acknowledge having that need?

You can write back and let me know. I'll let you know if I can follow my own advice and say no to doing something I don't want to do (looking at YOU elementary school ice cream social!)