no more hiding, now i’m shining…

One of the highlights of the summer was watching my daughter perform Golden from KPop Demon Hunters at the rec camp talent show in Cape Cod. After months of her struggling, me worrying, and nothing going quite right, something finally felt effortlessly joyful. I watched her up there - fearless and engaged, buoyant with her signature wild energy, confident in her last-minute choreography, somehow in sync with this pair of sisters who shared the KPop Demon Hunters obsession interest - and finally let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

I got to meet the parents of her Golden co-performers. They were kind and warm and one of them, Mara Glatzel, had written a book called Needy. NEEDless to say, I was so intrigued...

After some google stalking, I found a great podcast episode on which Mara spoke about her book and how it relates to parenting.

There are so many things she says in the episode that had me saying, "YES!!" but here is what I wanted to share with you today:

I want (my daughter) to understand how to be a part of a community, a family, without sacrificing herself and her interests...When I approach parenting from a "needs" perspective, I'm really looking at how connected to themselves are my children? How able are they to communicate what they're feeling and what they're needing, to me, and to other people around them? But of course, if I'm not modeling that, with them, how are they going to know those skills...I don't mean making my children responsible for my needs or making my children responsible for my emotions...but allowing myself to be a person in the room gives them that permission to not always be on, to not always be scanning the room, not always be vigilant and responsive.

This really hit home. That room-scanning, responsiveness, and vigilance she speaks of - I feel that viscerally. How many times do I scan for and assess the needs of others, sublimating my own connection to who I am and what I need? When did I start doing that? What have I lost in the process? And what does that model to my kids?

To bring this back to KPop Demon Hunters (where all roads lead)... I guess I would say that we can't always be shining like we were born to be, dancing around in sparkly outfits; but aiming, often, to reconnect to that inner glow, complete with all its unglamorous neediness, is a worthy cause. And the opposite - hiding in our self-sacrificing vigilance and responsiveness over and over again - can dampen that fire.

So, what do you think? And more importantly, how do you feel about KPop Demon Hunters?